The Profile Showing . . .

In the open adoption process there are times that we know our profile book is being shown. At other times we do not know that it is happening. 

When Derek and I were going through the process we had to identify the "type" of child we were willing to take. We had to decide how much alcohol, drug and tobacco use during pregnancy would be acceptable to us. We also had to decide the gamete of mental health issues in the birth family that we were willing to deal with (Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Schizophrenia, etc.). There were many contributing factors that we had to decide upon as we cannot expect that birth mother's are taking the same precautions that we would during pregnancy. 

When there is a profile showing that is beyond our preset parameters the agency sends us some background information on a birth mother. The information includes age, location, pregnancy health, family medical history and access to medical insurance. Derek and I then discuss the situation and make a decision on whether or not we want our profile shown.
In our process we have received two of these notifications. We decided to say yes to both. There wasn't anything reported that we did not feel that we could handle. Once we say yes we sit around until the profile showing day and then spend the next few days awaiting a call from the agency. Both times we have received an email that the birth mothers have chosen a different family. 

It is a bittersweet feeling during this time because we do not know if it is our time or not. I spend time thinking about what I could have done differently and sending positive vibes and prayers to the birth family. Once we hear that we were not chosen there is a period of sadness because we have to continue waiting yet there is a level of excitement for the family that has been chosen. Each time we tell ourselves that this was not our baby (not that we always believe it). We have become very creative at telling ourselves things to help us feel better about the situation yet we still find ourselves wondering when it will be our time.

Needless to say it has been an emotional roller coaster as we head into Spring and soon Summer. We can only hope that our wait will be short, but we know that it is all in God's plan and it will happen when it is time.