The Ultrasound Says . . .

The day after our match meeting the birth parents found out the gender of the baby. When their social worker called to confirm that it was a match she said that the birth parents wanted to tell us the gender in person. She gave the birth family our phone numbers that night. Derek and I waited for the next few days anxiously awaiting the call to get together again.

The birth grandmother called almost a week later to set up our meeting. It was a great conversation full of checking in and excitement for everything that our families are now sharing. At the end of the conversation she told me to talk with Derek and come up with a time to meet up with them. After not very much talk Derek and I decided that Saturday, May 19, 2012 would be the day. When I called the birth grandmother back I told her to ask the birth parents where they wanted to meet. During our match meeting we had discussed meeting for frozen yogurt, but asked her to confirm.

On Saturday Derek and I both experienced butterflies all day as we contemplated the gender of the baby. Derek was sure that it was a girl and I continued with my pessimistic view of life and said it was going to be a boy. We have both said all along that we want a girl, but of course would be happy with just a baby! Either way we had a 50% chance of being right which is pretty great odds!

We arrived at the yogurt place a few minutes early and awaited their arrival. This meeting was different because we knew what they looked like and a little about their personalities. When they walked in their excitement filled the room. the birth mom was carrying a gift wrapped in pink and blue paper to not give away the surprise. We greeted with hugs and ordered our ice cream. It was interesting to see their choices to compare our likes and dislikes!

We sat and shared more about our lives including our hobbies, the ending of the school year, plans for the summer, etc. We were laughing with each other that sparked a comment from our birth mom that touched our hearts, "I have laughed more today than I have in a long time. This is why we picked you!" Every time we see them the path that God put into place was shown again.

Once we finished our ice cream we opened the gift. Derek opened one side and I opened the other. Derek could not look in the box because he was too nervous. Once I opened it up I saw pink scrapbook paper and was hoping for the best. Sure enough, there were ultrasound pictures of our baby and our hopes and dreams were granted, a girl! There was also a cute sundress for next summer in the box to add to this girl's growing wardrobe.

After the discovery we again shared our name for a baby girl, Kearsta, and let them know that we wanted them to choose her middle name. We feel that it is very important that they are able to give Kearsta as many gifts as possible to show their love for her throughout her life. They were surprised and ecstatic that they were going to have the opportunity to give her a name.

Kearsta's first photo!

This was such a special moment as we didn't think that we would ever see the ultrasound pictures. This will be framed and put in the nursery so we can tell Kearsta this story for years to come!

The Ultimate Mother's Day . . .

In the latest newsletter from Hope's Promise they gave resources to women struggling with Mother's Day because they were waiting to become mothers.  Honestly, grieving over Mother's Day has never been a part of my life because the day has always been about my mom.  Even with a baby on the way I still think of this day as a time to celebrate her.

There was no better way to tell my parents about the coming of another grandchild than in celebration of Mother's Day.  Derek is out of town over Mother's Day so we decided to celebrate a week early.

Over breakfast last Sunday I gave my mom a gift that contained picture frames with words about their perspective roles as grandparents.  I also included this poem:

I do not have a face to see,
Or put inside a frame.
I do not have soft cheeks to kiss,
I don't yet have a name.
You can't yet hold my tiny hands,
Nor whisper in my ear.
It's still too soon to sing a song,
Or cuddle me so near.
But all will change come September,
That's when they say I'm due.
I'm your new grandson or granddaughter,
I can't wait till I meet you.
All I ask between now and then,
Is your patience while I grow.
I promise I'll be worth the wait,
Because of all the love we'll know.
So what I have to give you now,
is a wish to you from me.
I cannot wait to be a part
Of this wonderful family.

Author Unknown

Both of them read the poem and said thank you, but they had not understood what it was really saying.  I told them to read it again.  My mom scanned it again, looked up and said "you got a baby?!"  Both Derek and I said yes.  My mom hooped and hollered in the middle of the restaurant with joy.

This was the best Mother's Day gift I could ever give!

Diapers needed . . .

On Thursday, May 3, 2012 we were going about life as normal.  I had just written my blog about being at peace with the wait and giving all control up to God on Wednesday evening.

On Thursday evenings we bowl in a league.  We love bowling because it gets us out of the house and is exciting.  Last Thursday I had an extremely emotional day at work.  The day was laden with medical emergencies, protecting students from themselves, everyone person having to pitch in, etc.  I had to deliver some devastating news to one of my students that is already emotionally fragile.  I was sitting at bowling thinking about her and hoping that I did not get a phone call from her dad saying she had given up.  A couple of hours into bowling I missed a call.  It was from an unknown 719 number.  I immediately called the number back hoping that something had not happened to my mom or Gary.  When the person on the other line picked up she said that she is a case worker with Hope's Promise.  I turned around and yelled at Derek that it was "the call."  I started jogging to get outside of the building so we could talk to her.  From my view Derek was walking slowly!

Once we got outside she told us that we had been chosen by a birth family that evening.  She told us about the birth family and wanted to know when we could meet.  The birth mother had two requests, she wanted to meet as soon as possible and wanted to meet at Mimi's Cafe so she could have the turkey dinner.  As any good waiting couple would do, we agreed!  We decided that Sunday evening Derek, myself, the case worker, the birth mother, the birth father, the birth father's mom and step-father and the birth mother's parents would meet for the first time.  At the conclusion of the conversation the case worker said that the birth parents wanted to know if we were excited.  I said that we were ecstatic and could not believe that it was our time!  Derek and I were both in such shock that our bowling went down the tubes for the night!

When bowling was over I had to tell someone that we had been picked.  Since we have entered the pool my mom has had the same reaction as I have had to the phone ringing, a jump.  We never knew when our call might come so in the back of our minds we always wondered if this caller was the one.  I told my mom a couple of months ago that she would not be getting the news over the phone so that excluded her from the first conversation.  I sent a text to my brother Todd at 11:00 PM on the east coast telling him to call me ASAP.  He called right away.  I shared the news and the excitement with him.  While I was on the phone with him my other brother, Mark called.  I told him as well.  I gave both of them very strict instructions that they were not allowed to tell mom anything.  I wanted to come up with something special to give her the news.

On Friday we had a professional development day at work.  My department attended the first part of the day that included announcements, celebrations, etc.  While we sat there I was trying to determine whether I should tell them or not.  When we left the meeting we were gathered chatting about all of the things that had been so difficult all week.  I got to a point that something positive had to be said so I asked "can I tell you some good news?"  Both of my coworkers turned to me and said sure.  I followed with "Derek and I have to plan our Baby Moon."  Both of them burst out in tears because they have been on the rollercoaster with me every day.  They could not believe the news either.  It was the news that we all needed to get through the day and finish off the week on a positive note.

On Sunday we went to our match meeting with the whole group.  There was a lot of nervous energy at first as we didn't know what we were going to be talking about.  The number of things in common with each person around the table was amazing.  It even got down to the birth father's best friend having the same name that we plan to name a boy, Taden.  It is not a common name so Derek and I were shocked when he said it.

At the conclusion of the meeting the caseworker said she was going to talk with us on Tuesday to see if we felt that this was a match.  I knew from the moment we started talking that it was.  Every detail was meeting every expectation we have had from the beginning.  Derek and I sat there so thankful because we were getting the best possible scenario, but we had to wait to make sure the feeling was mutual.

First thing this morning I left a message with our caseworker that as far as Derek and I were concerned it was a match.  She said she would share it with the birth family's caseworker and she would be letting us know.  We were expecting the call to come tomorrow, but I just got off the phone with her.  We are officially matched!  Phone numbers will be exchanged and we can start to build our relationship over the next 19 weeks as we await the birth of our baby.  Our next meeting will be over frozen yogurt and Derek and I cannot wait!

Now that we are at this point we can be thankful for every struggle that we have endured and thought was unfair.  I can say that we have prepared a home and will continue to prepare a home for the homecoming of our child in September!

P.S. Diapers are needed because those things are expensive!!!!!

Preparing a Home

Our adoption agency, Hope's Promise, sends out a monthly newsletter to waiting families with some interesting articles and tips on how to get through the wait. This month's just arrived in my inbox. I always open them eagerly because there are typically updates on the number of birth families in the deciding to make an adoption plan, the number of placements and any upcoming news. The updates are a way to continue hoping that our arms will soon be filled with a child. This month the director of our agency, Paula Freeman, shared her thoughts:

"Several months ago I met with three colleagues in my office, each of us adoptive parents whose journey included parenting territory for which there was no reliable road map. We discussed the un-arguable need for post adoption services and how Hope’s Promise might help to meet them.

"Paula, if resources were no object," Mary asked, "where would you begin?"

That’s one of the best questions anyone has ever asked me; I still ponder it. At the time, however, I shared two thoughts. First, I’d like to educate the American church. We’ve missed the point. It’s not about a program or a project. It’s not just about missions and love and feeding the orphans. It’s about the heart! It’s about embracing brokenness, supporting those who build their family through adoption and helping to create grace-filled faith communities.

Secondly, I want to prepare families for the differences of adoptive parenthood. That includes holding appropriate expectations, recognizing children may come with compromised beginnings and encouraging parents to identify their own wounds and allow God to begin a healing process in them before their child arrives.

In the months ahead we’ll use this space to do just that…to encourage, educate and challenge one another to embrace this wait as time to prepare a place. We’ll allow God to heal our hearts and make His thoughts our thoughts. We’ll consider how to include family members and build healthy support teams."

Derek and I went into our adoption with this Christian agency knowing that there was a lot of improvment that we needed to make when it came to our spirituality, church attendance and involvement in church. We do not consider ourselves Bible Thumpers or devout Christians by any means. We would often joke about how we needed to become more "Godly." We continue to talk on a regular basis about the reasons that we chose to celebrate Methodism. We appreciate their willingness to meet us where ever we are in our journey with God, their openness to every type of person that may enter their doors and the lack of guilt that is put on us for not attending church regularly. We feel that we can be our true selves every time we walk through the church doors. We find that we are thankful that we can believe that God is a man, woman, spirit, living in Heaven, etc. or we don't have to believe any of those things. When I read the words from Paula today it struck a cord in me. Even though we are not consistent church-goers we are still relying on God to show us our adoption path.

When we entered the pool at the end of January I was hoping for a short wait time because my arms have been yearning for a child as long as I remember. As we saw two friends that are part of our adoption support group bring home their babies I began to wonder where my path was leading me.

I put away my guilt for not being a better Methodist and started relying on God. I would pray that he would give me signs that I am doing the right things to prepare for a parenting journey that will be unique, challenging and more fulfilling than anything else I have ever done. I quickly began to find things that I needed to work on and most of it was guilt. I still struggle with the fact that I made the choice to have a hysterectomy at sixteen. I actually do not think that I truly grieved the inability to have my own children until I married Derek. I would often apologize to him for making the choice that I did. He would look at me like I was crazy because he went into this knowing adoption would be our journey. In order to settle my heart about this issue I had to quit apologizing. I had to become comfortable in the fact that I now had to give up control to God and the birth family that is choosing their jouney to grant us a family. Other than guilt I had and still have to learn to be patient. I cannot control the process. Changing our book, going to church more, going out of town, skipping things because I am have a bad "wait day" will not make the process any faster. God has already made our path and even though I don't know when our adoption journey will turn to a parenting journey I had and still have to learn to trust in the process. I have spent a lot of time in the last three months reading books about adoption, talking with others that have experienced adoption and those that have not. About a month ago I finally said, "Okay God, this is up to you and I am okay waiting for the child that Derek and I have dreamed of." When I said it I was able to mean it. I am okay with having to wait as I know that every day I am waiting I am stronger and have lived another day learning to let guilt go and patience. Today I am doing exactly what Paula hopes to give to the families giving and receiving in her business. We are learning to be encouraged, educated and challenged to embrace this wait as time to prepare a place. We’ll allow God to heal our hearts and make His thoughts our thoughts.

In the last week or so I have found a place of peace. I cannot believe how calm I feel. I give credit to my therapist, my co-workers and now God. Even though I am not as faithful as I should be he is still looking out for me and showing me the path to parenthood. At the end of her article Paula left this prayer: "Father, help me see this time of waiting through your eyes. My heart aches and my arms long to hold the child you have for me. I trust your appointed time. Help me to prepare a place that would honor you as I wait." This is the prayer that I have been saying since I have given it up to God. I am so thankful that I am being forced to make myself a better person so I can be a better mother, Derek can be a better father and our home can be the best for the child that God has chosen for us.