guess that is what parenthood does! This blog was a lifeline for me to share, process and feel better about my place in life for six months while we waited to bring a baby into our home. Now that has happened and I have been slacking. Below is a post that I started writing on March 23rd. No better time to finish it . . .
I have had a lot of people ask me if we are continuing a relationship with Kearsta's birth family. The answer is absolutely YES! At our match meeting they had asked for three to four visits a year and monthly updates. Two of the visits were specified to be Christmas and her first birthday. Derek and I had expected a lot more. I have to admit that we have been great at the visits, but I have not been so good at keeping up our share site. I can blame FB . . .
I have previously blogged about how much love we have for them. The love continues to grow as Kearsta grows. It is so special to have so many people who have unconditional love for our daughter. That is something we do not want to hinder in any way.
The first visit with Kearsta's birth family was when she was three weeks old. We went to her birth mother's house and just hung out. We ate, caught up on life and oogled over Kearsta. Her birth parents got a lot of time to love and hug on her. I cannot imagine being in her birth family's shoes and know that they have so much strength to continue to see Kearsta as she grows. Each visit is so bittersweet because we have to say see ya later at the end of our time.
At our first match meeting we had discussed seeing each other for Kearsta's first Christmas. We made the journey to Colorado Springs to see everyone in her birth family. We opened gifts, ate a wonderful meal and spent time loving on Kearsta. K was just starting to come out of the funk that babies are in until about three months. She was a little more interactive and showed some smiles throughout the day. We were far beyond spoiled by all of them. As I previously wrote I was not in the Christmas spirit this last year and felt bad that we hadn't spent more time doing for them all. On the positive note, Christmas will come again this year and I have vowed to be better!
March was a very busy time for visits with the family. At the Christmas visit we invited the birth family to Kearsta's finalization at court, the party and her baptism. All three were happening in the same weekend and they were determined to being at all of it. Derek and I knew that the finalization weekend would be full of a lot of people and business. We didn't want her birth family feeling left out so we made an impromptu trip to Colorado Springs for a visit the weekend before the festivities. It just so happened that K's birth mom was playing in an orchestra competition that weekend and it was also a surprise gathering for her mom's birthday. It was a perfect time to spend with them! The weather was absolutely horrible, but we wanted to make the trip. We left early to ensure we were there on time to hear the orchestra piece and then head to the party. When they walked around the corner Kearsta immediately went to her birth grandfather. It was one of the most heartfelt moments I have had. Every time they see each other my heart warms with the love between them. Our time continued at the gathering with some food and cake to celebrate a birthday. We left knowing that we had more to look forward to the following weekend.
Finalization weekend was hectic. Both of my brothers, a niece, a nephew and a lot of family in the area gathered for the event. It was so touching to have the bulk of my family in one place to celebrate Kearsta. At the courthouse it was an entourage. We filled up the whole courtroom with our family and friends that were there to support us and our besties! On Saturday we all gathered again for the party. We told the recreation center we had under 50 people, but I am sure we had 100 or more between our three families. Again, another beautiful display of the amount of love our girls have in their lives. To round out the weekend we baptized K on Sunday. She was baptized by my childhood pastor, Janet. She is now at a church in Highlands Ranch that we occasionally attend. She married my mom and step dad, Gary as well as me and Derek. She has been an integral part of our lives for a long time. It was so touching to have her baptize Kearsta as she told the story of her name, included ALL family members (birth family too) and shared the story of our love for the daughter of four and the granddaughter to many.
As I said, March was a busy month. For Christmas Derek and I gave K's birth father tickets to Three Days Grace, his favorite band. Of course the natural choice for his data was K's birth mother! On a Monday night we all headed off to Broomfield for an evening of fun sans baby. It was a long night, but we had so much fun. A ton of memories were made that night that brought us all even closer together!
In May Kearsta and I spent Birth Mother's Day with Kearsta's birth mom and in June Derek and Kearsta spent Birth Father's Day with Kearsta's birth dad. We wanted them to know that even though we are raising her they still have a daughter that they love and think of every day.
We continue to have very open communication with them. They have both reached out to us when they were struggling to talk or get together. Derek and I are committed to keeping them in our lives for the long haul because that is what we believe is best for all of us.
We are living a true open adoption. The word open adoption is often scary for people to hear and it was for us in the beginning (more Derek than me). There is nothing scary about any of it. We are transparent about everything and have accepted their family into ours. We have been accepted into theirs. We are here to help them in their journey as they are there to help us in ours and later to help Kearsta in hers. We don't know what the next year will bring, but we do know that it will be forever changing to meet the best interests of all involved.
